http://twitter.com/#!/ExJon/status/306498389598679040
Kentucky’s own Ashley Judd has been mulling a possible U.S. Senate bid for a while now. Can you smell the cinematic potential? Conservative blogger and Twitterer extraordinaire Jon Gabriel sure can, and to that end, he’s taken it upon himself to cast and outline the inevitable romantic comedy based on Judd’s humble journey to Washington.
Hollywood, brace yourselves:
@_angelamorabito Gerard Butler as her campaign director? @dloesch
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
.@_angelamorabito suggested Katherine Heigl to play Ashley Judd, but she would need puffy face implants.
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
If Larry Linville’s alive, he could play McConnell. Has anyone checked on him lately?
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Title for Ashley Judd Kentucky Senate Rom-Com: “Steeplechase.” Are we talking about the Derby or the altar? Stay til the end to find out!
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
The male lead should be McConnell’s campaign manager. Played by Matthew McConaughey? Gerard Butler? The Rock?
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
So, Ashley Judd (Heigl) returns to her home state of KY to help her ailing dad (Morgan Freeman) who has no health coverage. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Heigl/Judd goes on local morning news to talk about her latest movie, but… the previous guest was a fracking executive. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
She’s kicked off set, but a Draft Judd wildfire starts. Much like wildfires caused by fracking that drove poor off their farms #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Judd (Heigl) reluctantly enters race after receiving a hand-written note from a child of divorce (remember this point) #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Judd runs, staff is all female. Lots of moms. Betty White type (not her, too expensive) makes salacious remarks about men #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
(comic relief) #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
McConnell’s campaign manager (The Rock) dislikes Judd and sparks fly. But The Rock is tired of racist remarks by McConnell too #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Guess who McConnell’s main funder is: FRACKING GUY. Yeah, and they were in the same fraternity in an all-male college.Figures. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Rock tried to reconcile w/ exwife, but she insists on selling farm to energy company. Their only child has to give up pony. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Despite all odds, Judd pulling neck/neck with McConnell. The incumbent demands The Rock release incriminating photos of Judd. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
(Photos show Judd’s puffy face. Really bad.) #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
The Rock warns Judd. “Why are you telling me this Rock, it’s unethical!” “It’s okay — I just resigned.” #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Over dinner, Rock asks Judd, what makes you run? She turns over the child’s letter that motivated her. The Rock sobs. Why…? #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
THE LETTER IS FROM THE ROCK’S ONLY CHILD. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Rock publicly endorses Judd, thwarts Operation Puffy Face, and they, along with his moxie-filled daughter, celebrate her win. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
And guess what? The daughter brings her pony to the victory celebration. It’ll celebrate by clopping its hoof or shaking head. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Of course, the horse turns out to be the illegitmate pony of a Kentucky Derby winning horse. #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Final scene: New family at KY Derby. pan up to a steeple-looking cupola. (Oh, and Freeman died at the end of the 2nd act.) #Steeplechase
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Fin.
— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) February 26, 2013
Bravo!